Hard Time

For some reason I have been going through a hard time these last couple of weeks. I have been starting and stopping! I have been eating bad then feeling bad. I have been feeling depressed. Not sure y though?


(Dont know when i started this nor y i didnt publish it but now is the time!)

Reset Button:I am recommitting myself to myself again!

I just Gave up!

So I really don't have an excuse for stopping my weight loss goal other than giving up and pure laziness. I really have a problem with giving up too easy and motivation. It all started when I stopped going to my spinning class on Thursdays. It just seemed as if something else would continue to come up on those days. So after about three weeks of missing that class I pretty much gave up going to the gym, working out or eating anything that was good for me. I just Gave up! With all that said I have not been to the gym in 3 months. About 63 dollars wasted. Gone right down the drain. I have probably gained like 15 pounds. I haven't even got on the scale to even see. It is just a Hot Ass Mess. Its really no other way to put it. I still yearn to be my perfect size 10 or 12. But they way things are going it seems as if i will never get there again!!

I have been going through a whole lot. Just emotionally, mentally and of course physically. I have been like in a daze. Just depressed about the way life is right now. Seems as if i will never be unstuck. Its very depressing. I try to have fun and be the outgoing person that I used to be. But i just end up back in a corner and very unsociable. I always have the feeling of i just wanna be home. I don't even see my bestie. family, friends.  just because i hate being outside or around new people. I just feel uncomfortable all the time. Like people are just judging me already. People always tell me "you shouldn't care what other people say or think about you" but its hard for me. I don't go to shopping like I used to. That's probably because living paycheck to paycheck and it is getting very hard to keep up with my spending habits. My job has turned into a job that I pretty much hate going to everyday. I used to love the job, but people are so not trustworthy its sad. they just try to stab u in the back. Life is crazy!

The constant feeling just to be at home in the bed has left me without the motivation or belief in myself that I will even be able to get another job. I wish i could sometimes just up and move to another state and just start fresh..new people, friends, lifestyle. Just ready to move out!  When I first started this blog my ultimate goal was OCT 2011! I could have prob reached that goal if i would have just persevered. But now when I look at October 2011 the only thing that will be done changed is my age. I will be 27 still living at home, paycheck to paycheck, and overweight. Its sad. I just have to do something.

The daily things that I battle with should be enough to motivate me but somehow it just makes me wanna hide. I went to Bush Gardens with my lil sister, shes 24. i was so ready to go. I was just Hot and tired, feet hurting, sweating, hungry, thirsty. I was just ready to go. And the icing on the cake was i tried to get on a ride and the dude literally had to put all his weight on the seat just to fasten the seat belt. I was so embarrassed. this wasn't the Monique that i knew. It was like a little sappy, sluggish, depressed, chick And i had no idea who that person is.

But i know this blog is all over the place. I am on the road of getting back on track. I am trying to be a more positive thinker and person. I am starting to come out of my room and out of the house. Trying to take my medicine, even though that has failed too, so that i wont be sick, tired and out of it. I am trying to make this be the last negative blog that you will read about me. I am trying to keep it as real as i can. If i come to a crossroad again i am gonna at least try to type about it to try and get over it and keep it moving. i know that this is something that i can do. All around. i just need some motivation and help. imma sign off for now. Tomorrow maybe my thoughts will be together and will make better since. Until next time! Muah&Muah!

Stuck like chuck!

Nothing else to say! Just stuck like chuck on this day! just feel like giving up again!

Gone for a while but still on my Grind!

So yeah i been gone from my blog for at least 3 weeks. I apologize for my absence. My job has me working like crazy for the past weeks and hitting the gym after work has me dead tired when i get home. But i have been doing well on my weight loss goals. Now after my first 12 pounds were lost i have just been stuck for a while. Still trying to keep to my changed eating habits and drinking water. Every now and again i slip in a soda. Which i really need to stop. And another confession, after having my 4 year old niece and hardly any sleep i had to eat a little bag of cookies. the grandmas cookies. But i drank like 5 bottles of water! and i think i worked it off at the gym today! but yeah. For Lent( i know u are supposed to keep it between you and God) but i have giving up all unnecessary snacking. I am doing ok so far!
So three weeks ago I had just started going to the spinning class! Well lets just say I LOVE IT!!! The only thing that I hate is that seat! I bought a seat cover and everything but it still tears that little area up!!(That may be TMI) But I have been going for four weeks straight and it gets easier and easier each week. My first two weeks I was hardly keeping up with the class. Now I am keeping up with them on almost everything. Sometimes I'm so busy adjusting my ass on the seat I miss something. LOL! But I don't plan missing a class at all. I even went to a class half sick. I did see a class today that looked mighty interesting. They were stretching and doing some routine. I don't think it was zumba but it could have been.
But it has truly been a journey!! I am excited! I am going to try and update a little more than every 3 weeks. Talk to you later! MUAH&MUAH!

Break Doowns and Starting over AGAIN!!

So I will start this off with saying last Saturday 2/12/11, I had a crazy break down in the grocery isle at Target. So again I have a crazy problem with food> I just eat certain things. Nothing mushy, no condiments really, if it smells or looks nasty, not Eating it!! So I WAS FEELING EXTRA MOTIVATED to get back on track and actually look for foods that I could eat and still be healthy. So i started my journey up and down the isles at Target grocery! I had my note pad, to jot down what i found, then as i was going up and down each isle, i stopped looked at my paper and it was straight BLANK. No entry was made. I was like Damn it seriously has to be something in here that i eat other than pizza, bacon and corn. I didn't even bother to put them on the paper because that was a given. By now i was like in the middle of  the store and starting to get to the sweet isle. with crackers, cookies, and other nonsense. So i just bypassed that isle all together. then was the chip isle, then the soda isle, By the time i got to the cereal isle my face was covered in tears. I couldn't find nothing in the whole store. I was done once again! I sent out a text message to my guy and said, and i quote,

U ever just felt sad and discouraged and just ready to give up, even though you have given up before on that exact same thing  millions of times before. I am feeling sad, discouraged and depressed and ready to say forget it once and for all!

Well he called me with words of encouragement and that just made me cry even more. Yeah i was feeling all types of down. But i thought i was gonna loose my motivation but I didn't. I left target in a flash and my guy met me at Wal-Mart. He helped me go down each isle and choose the healthy foods that i could snack on and try for dinner and lunch time. Now I'm not saying I didn't get bacon, cause I did, but i got low sodium bacon. Well c how that taste. I was also checking all the sugars and calories and sodium on all the packaging  making sure i wasn't getting anything that had too much of either. I got a lot of fruits and spinach. 35 calorie bread and 60 calorie chocolate. $98 dollars later i had a whole basket full of yummy healthy goodies. I actually have been doing well with that too. and no one in the house has beat me to them. Yay! So I'm motivated once again. I think thought this whole process you will see a lot of breakdowns but some survival stories too! I am so excited for this journey!!


So, I have been going to the gym at least 4 times a week and it has been paying off. I have been feeling a little better instead of a big ol' blob walking around! I now see people that I grew up and work with in the gym, they skinny though, but its good just to see them and give encouraging words. Now Tonite i start my first beginners spinning class!! I probably shouldnt start off with this class because I am like super out of shape. but the instructor is my nurse, from the Dr, and she insured me that I will be fine and to just do what I can do.. I'm more scared about getting on a bike. I mean I haven't got on a bike in like 10 years or more. Hell, do I know how to ride a bike. is it gonna hurt my crotch or squeeze my buttocks...lol at crotch.. OK i diverted. I don't know. But imma try it out tonite Pray for me!!!
until next time! Muah&Muah!

So Umm Yeah!

So yes I know I have been gone along time. I have just been discouraged and ready to give up! So I kinda kicked it to the backside. But like i said earlier in the blog i never finish anything. I have thought and made a decision that i want to change my whole self! Inside and Out!

While making the decisions or better myself or not, I was doing bad, I mean really bad. Eating pizza and cake and chips, just all types of foolishness! But I decided that all that mess is out he window. I do have a small obstacle in my way. I am a very picky eater. I have to find somethings that i can eat that are both filling and healthy. I just discovered in the last couple of months that i love salad. i don't eat dressing but I love raw carrots, oh and raw spinach. i just gotta go shopping for myself..($moneytight) But I am going to put something aside for it. Really I almost gave up on myself again. I thought i had some sort of support system but at that moment i realized that i have to do it for myself. I kept screaming for help but no one pushed me! So in this process, I am by myself and I'm okay with that.

I recently purchased a scale that I have right beside my bed, and it read 7 pounds lighter than what I had been a couple of weeks ago. I was excited to see that. In the past week, after tossing all the foolishness out the window, i changed a lot of things. I First started going back to the gym. I finally got my shoes and got my workout gear together and started going. I don't get that sausage biscuit at Mc Donald's any more. I opt for some delicious Multi-Grain Cheerios that i really do enjoy. I drink Water all day long. or at least i try to. Again i make sure i have a full glass of orange juice in the morning. I have been eating a lot more fruit and no snacks or a little snack. I also try not to eat anything after 7pm. This past week and a half i have been doing great.

Going to the gym is so fun to me. Its like I'm in my own little world sort of. i am a very observant person , and i watch everything and everybody. That's probably why i sometime feel like people are watching me. But other than that i try to zone out. I wish i had a workout partner or could find someone at the gym to talk to so they can work out with me. I don't know anyone there. But maybe when i get my trainer next month i can start meeting people. Cause you know I'm shy around people i don't know. I am definitely trying and hopefully 7-10 more pounds will fall off.

I really am considering getting a Wii. Just something hat i have wanted since it came out! I'll make my final decision soon. I am So excited for my journey to weight loss and being healthy. I shout out to all the women and men who are trying to loose those pounds and stay healthy. Good Luck on Your journey and I hope and Pray that you don't loose your motivation and Stay Strong. One day i wanna be in a race, i think that's one of my short term goals..Maybe by the end of the year i can do something like that.

i will take this pass week as a mess up! I will try to keep my promise and stay on my program that i have created. I have to make some progress!! I have goals that are so attainable and so close. Life will be great!!

Until next Time Muah and Muah!!