Friday, February 18, 2011

Break Doowns and Starting over AGAIN!!

So I will start this off with saying last Saturday 2/12/11, I had a crazy break down in the grocery isle at Target. So again I have a crazy problem with food> I just eat certain things. Nothing mushy, no condiments really, if it smells or looks nasty, not Eating it!! So I WAS FEELING EXTRA MOTIVATED to get back on track and actually look for foods that I could eat and still be healthy. So i started my journey up and down the isles at Target grocery! I had my note pad, to jot down what i found, then as i was going up and down each isle, i stopped looked at my paper and it was straight BLANK. No entry was made. I was like Damn it seriously has to be something in here that i eat other than pizza, bacon and corn. I didn't even bother to put them on the paper because that was a given. By now i was like in the middle of  the store and starting to get to the sweet isle. with crackers, cookies, and other nonsense. So i just bypassed that isle all together. then was the chip isle, then the soda isle, By the time i got to the cereal isle my face was covered in tears. I couldn't find nothing in the whole store. I was done once again! I sent out a text message to my guy and said, and i quote,
U ever just felt sad and discouraged and just ready to give up, even though you have given up before on that exact same thing  millions of times before. I am feeling sad, discouraged and depressed and ready to say forget it once and for all!
Well he called me with words of encouragement and that just made me cry even more. Yeah i was feeling all types of down. But i thought i was gonna loose my motivation but I didn't. I left target in a flash and my guy met me at Wal-Mart. He helped me go down each isle and choose the healthy foods that i could snack on and try for dinner and lunch time. Now I'm not saying I didn't get bacon, cause I did, but i got low sodium bacon. Well c how that taste. I was also checking all the sugars and calories and sodium on all the packaging  making sure i wasn't getting anything that had too much of either. I got a lot of fruits and spinach. 35 calorie bread and 60 calorie chocolate. $98 dollars later i had a whole basket full of yummy healthy goodies. I actually have been doing well with that too. and no one in the house has beat me to them. Yay! So I'm motivated once again. I think thought this whole process you will see a lot of breakdowns but some survival stories too! I am so excited for this journey!!

So, I have been going to the gym at least 4 times a week and it has been paying off. I have been feeling a little better instead of a big ol' blob walking around! I now see people that I grew up and work with in the gym, they skinny though, but its good just to see them and give encouraging words. Now Tonite i start my first beginners spinning class!! I probably shouldnt start off with this class because I am like super out of shape. but the instructor is my nurse, from the Dr, and she insured me that I will be fine and to just do what I can do.. I'm more scared about getting on a bike. I mean I haven't got on a bike in like 10 years or more. Hell, do I know how to ride a bike. is it gonna hurt my crotch or squeeze my at crotch.. OK i diverted. I don't know. But imma try it out tonite Pray for me!!!
until next time! Muah&Muah!

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